Phantasy Star On the Rocks
by Prince Ashitaka II
Summary: Ice cubes are good in soda. But when it is in PSO, things get wacky. This is a story of me and my friends in the PSO world. Who is Dark Falz? Why did Rico have a folded sheet in her pocket. R for tons of curses and lots of perverts. Please R+R!
1. WHO WANTS VODKA!

Ok this is my first PSO Fanfic so I accept flames and all such.  
  
Any names I use that are not from the game (or other things) belong to me (I didn't steal Laguna from FF8, He's my PSO character). Well actually they belong to my friends but their personalities belong to me. I OWN THEIR SOULS! No not really! I wish I did, I could make them do so many strange things! Also Laguna represents me. Who ever reviews this, I might put your penname in as a character so go ahead and take a chance. Flames accepted!  
  
Well here goes: (spoilers ahead for anyone who don't know who the final boss is)  
  
Chapter 1: WHO WANTS VODKA!  
  
Seventeen years after the brave Hunters destroyed Dark Falz; Ragol was inhabited by the citizens of Pioneer 2 3 4 5 and 6. (This I made up) The people of Pioneer 1 were found after these long years. After the hunter Laguna, in the Viridia team, destroyed Dark Falz, The Principal himself went down to the now safe Ragol. Through the dead bodies he discovered Rico's body at the sight of Falz's fall. Falz was no where to be found, but on Rico's body were rotting flesh holes. In her breast pocket, The Principal found a note. He opened and read it. This is what it says:  
  
To the founder of this note:  
  
I am Red Ring Rico. I was a traveler on Pioneer 1. We had started a great colony on Ragol. Unfortunately, supplies were very limited. I was assigned to jump into space, fly to Pioneer 2, and bring back supplies. As I was going back, I realized that they gave me the Vodka for the Colonizing party on Pioneer 2. I just went to Ragol anyway and screamed "WHO WANTS VODKA! ANYONE!?!" There was no answer. There was no one at all. I looked in panic. On the ground, a Pallasch! I picked it up and tons of strange animals popped up from no where. They kept repeating Booma Booma. Then some other animals said their "names" after they came out. I just killed them and walked on. After study on a dead Booma body, I found that somehow they were the humans from Pioneer 1. At first I couldn't believe it, but after I found places deeper in the planet, I believed it. There was no one. I dug through Forests, Caves, Mines, and Ruins. At the end of each, I found a spaceship. Very strange. But eventually I gave up on looking through. The only thing of interest was the technology in the Mines and Ruins, but also on three strange pillars. There is lots of strange writing on them. I could barely decipher the inscriptions. But it had to do with the dark. Eventually, I found that I could not contact Pioneer 2, so I got drunk on Vodka. While I was drunk, I aimlessly wandered through the four main areas here on Ragol. For no reason I put these useless holograms that gave crap info and wasted the time of anyone who bothered to hear them. Eventually, in my drunkenness, I stumbled upon an area after the Ruins. All of a sudden my tanked body wore off. It was a beautiful sight, but there was evil in the air. HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS THIN~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Principal: How dare she get drunk without my consent!  
  
The letter ended in scribbles. It was strange how it got so neatly folded in her pocket. The principal had returned to the ship and reported the letter. The world was now thought to be safe from evil. Eventually Pioneer 7 was emptied onto Ragol; the Earth had been emptied. What was to become of the Earth? What may happen to Ragol? How did the letter get folded so perfectly in her pocket even when she couldn't write? Where is Rico's Vodka? This is the story.  
  
Please R+R! I accept Flames. The story will continue even if you don't review so check up every other day! Depends if I have homework. Chappy 2 comin soon! 


	2. I WANT VODKA!

I WANT VODKA! Chapter 2  
  
This doesn't have lemon in it but if you imagine it then it does. But I think only dirty people would think that way. No offence!  
  
It has been a good few years since Ragol was colonized. The government decided to have an army of hunters in case of any attacks. This is the story of Legion Three, a group of young and perky teenage hunters. Their leader is the one who destroyed Dark Falz; Laguna. They were just put into the army. This is the story of Phantasy Star.  
  
Erin: TAKU! Get out of the god damned shower already! Other people have to wash too yah know!  
  
No response.  
  
Erin: Get out!  
  
No answer.  
  
Erin: I'm comin in there!  
  
Erin and Taku are just two of the teens in Legion Three. They constantly have feuds ever since someone started a rumor about them. Erin busted into the bathroom to find Taku lying drunk on the ground. No he was not naked. He was laughing hysterically.  
  
Erin: TAKU! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE VODKA IN THE CAMP!  
  
Taku: Oh hey Erin! *Hic* Want some *hic* Vodka?  
  
Laguna: Erin! Taku! What are you doing here? Holy crap! Where'd you get that Vodka!  
  
Taku: Oh the toilet was clogged and I took out the plunger and there it was.  
  
Laguna: I must take it to The Principal immediately!  
  
Erin bent down and picked up a note that was in the Vodka box.  
  
Erin: There's a note in here Sergeant Laguna!  
  
Laguna: Let me read that Erin.  
  
To Whom It May Concern:  
  
So you found my Vodka box did you? Well hopefully you didn't drink it! If you did then you shall have permanent poison! WHAHAHAHAHAHA! Where do you think I am? You think I am dead, don't you! Well guess what, I'm alive and kickin! Tell Pa that he should think of kickin himself in the ass! This is MY Vodka yah know so get yer greasy paws off of it! Well go lookin fer my laundry if you ever wanna know where I am!  
  
-Rico  
  
Laguna: Oh my god! Taku is poisoned.  
  
Taku: HUH!?! I wonder what KIND of laundry Rico owns.  
  
Erin: PERVERT! 


	3. Rico's Laundry

As I said: This storyline and names belong to me, I don't own the game. I also give credit to my friend Mike who is helping me on the soon to be great Fanfic!  
  
Chapter 3-Rico's Laundry:  
  
A few days after the recent incident, Taku was hospitalized.  
  
Doctor: Erin, Taku won't die, he will only be sick forever, and I don't know of any cure.  
  
Erin: Dammit! I wanted him to die!  
  
Taku: Shaddap! *hic*  
  
Erin: You're still drunk! Must be strong Vodka!  
  
Bellhop: Miss Erin! A letter has come for you! It is very important.  
  
Erin: Thank you Sir!  
  
She tipped him a quarter and opened up the letter.  
  
Dear Erin:  
  
You are needed at a meeting at the Control Room. Everything must be confidential; we will talk at the meeting.  
  
The Principal  
  
Later at the meeting:  
  
Laguna: My dear soldiers. For those coming from different Legions, you are now part of Legion 3. Before we get to the complicated matters, let me introduce you all to each other. I am Laguna Griffin. This is Erin Flockheart and Devra Adrenak. And over here is Michael Cheug and Tim Cheug. This is Ben Stir and CJ Misshot. Finally, there is Taku Hurana who is currently in the hospital from drinking Vodka. You are all being assigned on a mission! An unknown planet is heading toward Ragol, and we must stop it. This hologram was taken off of a shard of the planet that crashed into Ragol. I was not able to unlock it but maybe one of you can!  
  
They each tried, but no success, until Devra tried.  
  
Devra: AHHH! WHAT IS THAT THING!  
  
Volt Opt was on the screens. They fought him. Erin, Tim, CJ, and Ben used amazing swords. Mike used his gun and Devra used her spells. It was as easy as pie, but it was strange how Devra unlocked it.  
  
Tim: What was THAT!  
  
A hologram of Rico showed itself from the chunk of planet.  
  
Rico: So! HOW ARE YOU DOING! IF YOU GOT THIS MESSAGE, THAT MEANS YOU HAVE SOMEONE THAT DRANK THE VODKA ON YOUR HANDS! DO YOU WANT TO FIND MY LAUNDRY! DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHERE I AM! HERES A CLUE: GO TO DARK FALZ'S HOUSE! GOODBYE ASSHOLES!!!  
  
Mike: Where is Dark Falz's house?  
  
Rico: BY THE WAY, IT'S ON THE IMPENDING DOOM!  
  
Ben: Hahaha! She comes back and tells us. I guess that means his house must be on the planet.  
  
Laguna: Is everyone ok?  
  
Everyone: YES!  
  
Laguna: Here is the part I haven't told you about the mission. The incoming planet is made of Sodium Nitrate, A.K.A. gunpowder. Any flame will blow it up. Devra! Why did you bring your MAG here!?!  
  
Devra: I didn't bring my MAG h. Oh shit.  
  
There was a tick-tock from Devra's "MAG."  
  
Laguna: IT'S THE PLANET SHARD!  
  
A piece of paper printed out of the MAG.  
  
Instructions:  
  
This is a time bomb. If you try to take it apart, it will blow up. After it blows, the universe will be destroyed. There is only one way to destroy it, destroy the remote. The clock will count down.  
  
Made in China.  
  
CJ: Where's China?  
  
Laguna: China was a place on Earth.  
  
The clock said 99:99 hours and minutes were left until it blew. It wasn't counting down but two buttons appeared on it. One said Stop and one said Go. Devra suddenly went into a possessed state and pressed the Go button. The clock started ticking down. The Stop button disappeared.  
  
Laguna: WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR!  
  
Erin: Devra!  
  
Devra: What, happened.  
  
She came to her senses. They told her the story and she almost fainted again. They all sat down again and discussed their plan. They planned to go the next day and look for Dark Falz's house; they thought there might have been a clue from Rico there.  
  
Laguna: Erin, you shall be the leader of Legion 3 when I'm not there.  
  
Mike: You will have my Gun.  
  
Ben: And my Saber.  
  
Tim: And my Pallasch.  
  
Devra: And my Cane.  
  
CJ: And my Gigush.  
  
Laguna: We will be The Fellowship of the MAG! (The LOTR music plays) 


	4. Lassic is Perverted

I wrote this with help from my friend Mike.  
  
I don't own any of this except for the storyline and names.  
  
Chapter 4-Lassic is Perverted  
  
That morning everyone was prepared and entered the ship: The Emu Killer.  
  
Erin: Disturbing.  
  
Mike: So are YOU!  
  
The ship took off and landed on the Sodium Nitrate planet they named Azkarthan. It was a grey and dusty planet with towns all around them.  
  
Ben: Well let's head in that direction!  
  
Laguna: Ok!  
  
They walked in that direction. Eventually they came to a Victoria's Secret store.  
  
All of the boys rushed inside with horny looks on their faces.  
  
Devra: MEN!  
  
Erin: Dev, this might be where Rico's laundry is!  
  
As they walked in, the sign fell on their heads. Behind it, it had another sign: Dark Falz's House.  
  
Devra: You were right!  
  
They walked in, and the place exploded. A HUGE Sil Dragon was hovering above. It was time to fight.  
  
Laguna: Dammit! I wanted some of those!  
  
The fight ensued. Everyone hopped into battle, but the instant it started, Devra ran off. The battle lasted for a long time.  
  
Mike: DIE BITCH!  
  
Everyone was instantly turned to ice. But after nine minutes, Devra hopped in and helped everyone. The Sil Dragon was killed.  
  
Ben: Good! Now I can get to the bras!  
  
Erin: YOU'RE SUCH A PERVERTS! ALL OF YOU!  
  
A man walked up to them.  
  
Man: Hello! My name is Lassic! I wanna give you my service!  
  
Lassic took the girls into a back room. The boys heard loud shrieks from the back.  
  
Laguna: OH MY GOD! So many years have passed, but in the original Phantasy Star Dark Falz took over the body of Lassic! NOOOOO!!!  
  
Laguna ran back there to find them........................................................................ .......................with their clothes on. They were screaming about the selection of leather and lace.  
  
Laguna: Dammit!  
  
Devra was running to the next rack (no not THAT rack) and tripped over one of those useless holograms that Rico leaves behind. It was activated.  
  
Rico: So, you found my brand! Truthfully, I like the white frilly kind, but that's just me! DAMN! I was hoping u wouldn't get this far, but I must tell you where I am. I promised. I AM ONE OF YOU!!! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! One of you is a traitor, infested by my DF cells. Eventually, that person will turn into Dark Falz. I am just a spirit now in the possessed person's body! You will see them change, but I won't tell how! WOW! LOOK AT THIS SELECTION! THAT PURPLE ONE IS NICE! Ummmmm. Wahahahahahahahahah. I'll talk to you later, but watch out, in space no one can hear you scream! *screams* WAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
CJ: What did she last say?  
  
Laguna: I don't know, I think she screamed. But if one of us is infected with DF cells, then we must kill that person immediately.  
  
Devra: Who could it be? I'm really scared! One night, that person could just kill us all!  
  
Erin: My God!  
  
The hologram turned on again by itself.  
  
Rico: Oh, by the way, by killing the Sil Dragon, you stopped the time bomb and the planet won't crash into Ragol. Mission Success, I guess.  
  
Devra: Oh! Look! The MAG!  
  
The MAG following Devra exploded into bananas.  
  
Tim: Well that was random!  
  
Clara: MICHAEL! GET OFF AOL I GOTTA TALK TO MY FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!  
  
Mike: What the hell are you doing here, Clara?  
  
Clara is Mike and Tim's older sister. She started to look at the laundry.  
  
Clara: Oh this ones NICE! Oh, by the way, Mom told you to get off PSO; you've been playing way too much.  
  
Mike: Clara! This is a FANFIC! The author is typing this! I can't control it! AND I AINT ON AOL!  
  
Clara: Oh, ok, well tell the author that he's an ass!  
  
Author: I HEARD THAT!  
  
Clara walked away.  
  
Laguna: Ok, that was extremely random and I don't think any of that happened.  
  
Erin: What are you talking about! That happened right before our very eyes.  
  
Ben: Whatever, lets just go back to Ragol.  
  
Laguna: Mission Accomplished! 


	5. Naughty Images

RICO WILL KILL YOU ALL!  
  
Not really but I don't own any of this except the names and storyline.  
  
Chapter 5: Naughty Images  
  
Legion 3 came back from the planet. The other Legions cheered them when they came back. It was nighttime, and everyone was resting in their beds. Laguna, Erin, and Devra were the first to try to fall asleep. But as you would know it, something else came upon them.  
  
Messenger: HELLO! Laguna! Here is the new soldier for Legion 3!  
  
Laguna called everyone to the door.  
  
Messenger: This is Ethan Blacker. He'll be joining you in your army.  
  
Ethan: DEVRA!?!  
  
Devra: ETHAN!?!  
  
They all of a sudden were transported to a field of grass. They ran to each other with their arms out slowly. That love music was playing. DA DAAAAAA DA DAA DA DAAAA DA! They hugged and came back to reality. For those of you who don't know, they had gone to different schools for a short time. Then, in the seventh grade, they met each other and became boyfriend and girlfriend. Then, when they were put into the army, they were separated for a few years, without any contact.  
  
Ethan: Devra!  
  
Devra: Ethan!  
  
Laguna: Ok, the reunions over, Ethan, I am the leader here, in case I disappear; Erin here will be the leader of Legion 3.  
  
Devra: *snicker*  
  
Erin: Ummmmm. Sergeant Laguna? We all went to the same school a few years ago, we all know each other.  
  
Laguna: Oh, that's like that instance in Final Fantasy VIII. But that's a whole other story.  
  
So everyone went to their respective beds. Laguna went over to Erin's room to talk to her. (One note, Laguna is also the age of everyone else, he also went to the same school with them, but that was after he died, then he was revived in their generation)  
  
Erin: Oh hey Laguna.  
  
Laguna: Hello, Erin.  
  
Erin: What do you need?  
  
Laguna: I just wanted to talk.  
  
Erin: 'Bout what?  
  
Laguna: About the DF Cells. Who do you think is infected?  
  
Erin: I don't know.  
  
Laguna: Erin.  
  
Erin: Yes.  
  
Laguna: I love you.  
  
Meanwhile in Devra's room:  
  
Ethan: OHHHHHH! DEVRA!  
  
Devra: OHHHHHH! ETHAN!  
  
Ethan: Oh this feels sooooooo good!  
  
Devra: Oh yes! *groan* OHHHH! *groan*  
  
They woke up, looked at each other, and went back to sleep. Back in Erin's room.  
  
Erin: You, you love me?  
  
Laguna: Yes, I do.  
  
Erin: I love you too.  
  
(None of this is true in real life, its called Fan FICTION, remember!)  
  
They fell asleep in opposite beds. They had dreams of pleasure and fun. Little did they know that it would be happen sometime in their life.  
  
Laguna: Oh, Erin, OHHHH! GAHHHHHHHHH!  
  
He lay in his bed, spewing blood. A chunk of his heart was lying next to him. Erin was the only one who heard it and ran to see what it was.  
  
Erin: HOLY SHIT!  
  
Devra walked in with Ethan.  
  
Ethan: WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE!  
  
Devra: Ah My Goddess!  
  
Pikachu: Pika Pi!  
  
Erin: EVERYONE! COME HERE!  
  
Everyone rushed in.  
  
Everyone: WHAT HAPPENED TO SERGEANT LAGUNA!  
  
Erin: I, I, I don't know.. Does that mean. I am the new commander of Legion Three!!!  
  
Devra: Yes! It does!  
  
Devra Thinking: Yesssss. And now I will break up the Fellowsssssshippppp of the MAGssesss.  
  
The real Red Ring Rico appeared.  
  
Rico: I have completed my mission. Your sergeant was infected with DF Cells and it killed him. Now, it is my time to die!  
  
Five hours of silence past. No one moved.  
  
Erin: GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
She took out her Soul Eater and had Rico on the floor at her mercy.  
  
Erin: DIE YOU PIECE OF SHIT!  
  
Rico: Erin. I am your mother!  
  
Erin: *gasp* NO!  
  
Rico: Would you kill your own mother?!?!  
  
Erin: YES!  
  
Erin jabbed her blade right through Rico's neck.  
  
Rico: Not even Alis's hope can overcome the power of Lassic!  
  
Clara: What the hell?  
  
Tim: Where'd you crawl out of?!?  
  
Clara: I just wanted to be part of this crappy story. Forget it.  
  
Clara walked off stage.  
  
Authors Note: For those of you who just play PSO and are dumb enough not to have played the original and greatest game in the series, Phantasy Star, that was what they say when you are slain in battle. Alis was the main character and Lassic was an emperor taken over by Dark Falz.  
  
Another Rico appeared.  
  
Rico: ASSHOLES! You killed my body but my spirit is still here! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Devra ran away, and she didn't come back for a long time, but no one noticed, except Ethan, but no one listened to him.  
  
Months passed. Nothing important happened. Ethan was pretending that Devra was with him in his bed, even though she wouldn't do such a thing. Erin was mourning the loss of Laguna, and didn't realize that she hadn't seen her best friend for a long time. Rico came to their place once again holding a bag. She walked to the bathroom where Erin was showering. Rico walked into the shower where Erin was bathing and conversed:  
  
Rico: ERIN!  
  
Erin: Yes?  
  
Rico: I AM HOLDING DEVRA HOSTAGE.  
  
Erin: Who's Devra?  
  
Ethan ran into the shower with them.  
  
Ethan: WHO'S DEVRA! SHE WAS YOUR BEST FRIEND AND MY SOON TO BE WIFE!  
  
Erin: Ohhhhh. YOUR HOLDING DEVRA HOSTAGE!  
  
Rico: HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY IT!!! If you want to release her, you must find four artifacts. Then come to my house.  
  
Devra: Why can't they just go to your house!?! *She said from the bag*  
  
CJ came running in with a soul gem and took Rico's soul. Devra came out of the bag.  
  
Devra: ETHAN!  
  
Ethan: DEVRA!  
  
Pikachu: YAY! I mean. PIKA!  
  
They hugged after they were transported to the land of flowers again.  
  
Everyone except Erin came into the lobby. Then Erin came soaking wet and naked into the lobby, so happy that Devra was back that she forgot to wear clothes. Pikachu walked up to Erin and ran away.  
  
Pikachu: My eyes! They burn! I mean. PIKA!  
  
Ben: Hey, um, Erin? YOU'RE NAKED!  
  
Erin: Oh uh huh.  
  
Taku walked in.  
  
Taku: Hey! How are you guys doing!?!  
  
Erin: Oh, hello Taku, umm were fine.  
  
Taku: Don't you even care that I'm alive.  
  
Erin: No.  
  
Taku: Oh.  
  
Clara: So what are you guys going to do now that the adventure is over?  
  
Erin: Ummmmmmm. Let's talk about what Rico said.  
  
Tim: She said that Erin is her daughter.  
  
Mike: Don't you mean son?  
  
Erin: *slaps mike*  
  
Ethan: I gots me an idea! Why don't we go and find the artifacts Rico told us about!  
  
Erin: OK!  
  
Ben: I feel a song coming on!  
  
Everyone: OHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE LOVE VEGGIES, VEGGIES ARE YOUR FRIENDS, THEY MAKE YOU GROW STRONG AND LET YOU LIVE UNTIL THE END. OHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE LIKE FRUITS TOO, ESPECIALLY TOMATOES, BUT WE LIKE SODA WITH OUR POTATOES!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Erin: Off we go on another adventure! 


	6. The Worst Thing in Life is Love

Mine, its all mine!  
  
Ok, well only the storyline and names, everything else is theirs, THEIRS!  
  
I am in a really bad mood now so if this is a boring chapter, don't blame me, blame love.  
  
Chapter 6-The Worst Thing in Life is Love  
  
Erin finally got dressed. They went out on the Emu Killer. They flew to the abandoned earth. Devra suddenly got really pissed and turned into Dark Falz. Erin stabbed her, Devra died. The universe exploded.  
  
The End. 


End file.
